the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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