I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
