My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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