So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
