I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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