I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
