Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
