1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
