I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
