I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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