Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
