watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
