Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I love you. Go after that dick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
