U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
