My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
