I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
