I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
