thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
