Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
