I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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