So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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