Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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