i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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