Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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