I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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