I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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