He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
