I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize