Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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