I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize