She went from zero to smokin in five shots
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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