I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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