I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
