i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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