don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
