hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
