My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
