so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
