why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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