i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Alive.
So much puke
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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