I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
