by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
