I'm going to jail i love you
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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