My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
