I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
