We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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