I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
only you would photoshop your dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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