I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How's work?
Spinning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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