Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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