And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
