so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
