so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
