oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
