is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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