I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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