True but thats because hes a fetus.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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