you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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