new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
