Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
