there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
