On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
