i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
