This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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