Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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