i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
