Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dicks are not precious.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize