No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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