The maid of honor just puked.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
